on writing in a flood

hello. for the longest time i’ve wanted to start up a catalogue of longform articles on a personal website. but every time i think i have fallen down a sleep slope of ambition… so i’ve decided some hospitality and casual flair may actually get me to launch the rocket into orbit, so to speak.

across 2025 it’s become increasingly clear to me that i have an impaired sense of wordiness. for a long time i thought it was some strange inverse high following 2 years of working on a 300 page play nonstop. maybe it still is, who’s to say. but creative block cannot alone explain the difficulties i’ve had producing professional writing.

it’s always taken me a long time to write. at least in the realm of pleasure, when it comes to professional matters i am a master of sweeping myself off my feet and kicking a full-fledged text out of my nest, allowing it to find its wings mid-fall and only mid-fall. but otherwise i am deliberate and long in the tooth.

around 2022 i have myself a concussion in a really stupid manner. one i don’t want to recount that was born entirely out of boredom. i think since then i’ve been atoning for it. sitting down to write, the proper action, has been like having a contraption ending in a hammer pressed to my brain. or it’s like having a thumb pressed against my head, squeezing all the brain matter out through my own ears. i just can’t do it like i used to. i’ve only been writing under the cover of night, when i have the excuse of fatigue to steer me away from needless flagellation.

i don’t like sitting around and whining. i really don’t. i try my best to ignore every problem that comes my way until it breaks the thermometer and mercury shoots out everywhere. and that’s happened in my brain, i suppose, so now it’s time to clean things up. i want to lace it up into coherency. or something that resembles it.

thus i want to use this avenue of writing as an excuse to at the very least, regain control of my sensibility if not my entire faculties. i don’t have much room for shame and second-guessing when writing is already so hard. the best way to move forward is through simply shooting out a series of quickpaced posts about whatever i want.

it’s also part of a greater mission to enter and exit the chrysalis of the modern internet. i keep putting off work on my own website because it feels so daunting, so impersonal, so professional… and worst of all, despite the lies people tell themselves, there is nothing the greater populace of the internet hates more than reading. especially if it’s on a foreign, unfamiliar website. especially if it’s on a personal one.

i want to jump past that apprehension! because i think it's holding me back from something that would help me in favor of worrying about passé things like an audience or professionalism. you people, yes you 10 people reading this, know i'm not about that. i've always wanted to have a solid place to pour all my commentary on books, music, all kinds of things! and doing that in the form of 280 word twitter post or under a readmore that nobody clicks over on tumblr, well, i can't be restrained anymore.

it's almost new years – i might whip up a "top things of the year" sort of post or at the very least one book review in the coming days.

thanks to everyone who's still here :) love you all.

onwards to big words!